Now that I’m fresh meat again and looking for love for some reason I feel different. I mean dont get me wrong, I was not really in a relationship because I was with a guy who really was not satisfying on emotional or physical level, but I guess on one night of the week (Friday night of course), he was useful. Now, I have to go back to the club and bar scene with my “single” friends to find the right guy right. I mean you can go to church or a gym, but guess what they are the same guys at the club. Any way I think I have forgotten how to approach a guy. It’s been about 2 years since I have been with someone who I was truly approached. Not to mention the added poundage that I have now. Anyway I guess now I am looking for a good lay for now……
I did it!….So, why dont I feel good? November 27, 2006
I finally gave my boyfriend what he wanted. An out of a relationship he never wanted. He wanted a roll in the sack, but I wanted a man to love. So, why dont I feel good. I sent him an email (yea real mature), and told him if he wanted to be with me he would fine a way. So, he email me back saying he knew it was going to be over. Now I have an opportunity to find someone who loves me and needs me and to be with someone who wantes to make me happy….
Holidays and Still No Man… November 26, 2006
Here we go again, the holidays and I am alone. Last year, I was alone, but at least I had money, and also a good ass lay. No I am just said. Out of shape, no man, and no money with no end of this crap in sight. I made a decision over Thanksgiving thou, to pick my self up. Everything in my life is going to change starting with me being with a guy who doesnt give a damn. He doesnt love and he never will. Why, honestly dont know, but question to him is why does he act like he cares sometimes, and then we are scheduled to meet each other before Thanksgiving (yes, he’s that much of a punk during the holidays he doesnt even try to be with me), and sends me a text saying oh I am leaving. Yes, he’s that lame. Do I love him, I believe so. I have always been attracted to me who are emotional slugs, with nothing going for them. But it is funny, when they leave me there lives seem to prosper. My first boyfriend no owns a trucking business, the second its part owner of a company in Florida, and the third is running a manufacturing business in Nicaragua, but lives like a king. The latter of three I could honestly have back, and he was the best lay I have ever had in my life, but he betrayed me in ways that was even more then just sexual, he told me he was in love with another woman, and probably never not be in love with her. So, how could I be with man who will leave me at any minute. Maybe it is better to be with someone who is passionate, then with someone who thinks the touch of u, is only good for once a week, maybe twice if I am good….. And hey by the way, what happen to the men I used to know who wanted sex everyday twice a day to survive, or who had blue balls, and would die without me giving him some? 
…….
Confusion November 21, 2006
Confusion does not begin to describe what I am feeling. I still have no job, but my social life (or lack of) is the same. I am with someone who has told me on more than one occasion he will never be in love with me because he is too in love with himself (and oh I am not good enough). And he is not even making an attempt to be with me during the holidays, which everyone knows is a no no with me. He wrote I have no intentions of having a long term relationship, and I want to give him that, but I dont know how I would seem like a bad person. I love him, but he doesnt love me, so why fight for nothing, when nothing will arise…..
Values October 25, 2006
Is it just me or are people’s values just flying out the window? By no means am I a saint, but simple things lick kids out of wedlock or living with someone before marriage has just become commonplace. An ex of mine asked me to move in with him, and it has been over a year since we have even seen each other. At first, I thought it was a joke, but he was serious!! He wanted us to move are failed relationship to the next level by moving in together. Hello, did anyone forget about the pits of hell, and marriage? Or is it so commonplace for immoral activity it doesnt matter any more. It really upset me, you know why… cause it made me realized as a black woman I will probably never get a ring on my finger because hey it just dont matter any more.
Wedding Hell October 23, 2006
Weddings are the most disappointing events to me. One being that I am probably going to be another black statistic and never be married. Anyway I am trying to help a friend get organize (to broke for a planner), and I never imagined how expensive a wedding can be. Things from the cake to the dress even flowers are running close to a thousand each, and we haven’t began looking at food!!!!! No wonder why 50% of American wedding end in divorce because of the debt they gain before the wedding would cause me to divorce. But why I set here rambling on about the negatives of marriage I wish I could be. I want to be married in the next 2 years, and by the way things are looking…. That aint happening…………I want kids by the time I’m 26 and a career, a real career……
Job Hunt October 18, 2006
Looking for a job in this market is the most frustrating thing in the world. I have a bacholar’s degree in may I will be finished with my master’s and I still can not find the job that I want. Most likely, I will have to move to the atl, but it is said that I have to. There are jobs here, but they can only be given to individuals who know the right people or sleep with the right people. These jobs arent the highest paying in the world, but when you factor in cost of living it is just the same as atlanta. So, what am I going to do? Pray, and hope that God has a plan for me. I know he does, it is just that I refuse to follow his will……
Sex…. Or Lack Of October 13, 2006
I most ask this question to myself….. am I a freak? I mean I am 22 and sex goes across my mind at least once a day, but usually more. I am currently in a relationship, but I am not sexually satisfied at all, and if things dont get better I will be looking in the direction of someone else. I mean sex 2 or 3 times a week too much? I thought that is what guys like sex, so why did I find the one guy who asks like it doesnt matter. But maybe it is not sex I am after maybe it is time. I think I have always been in relationships where me and my partner are together 24/7. If it is not work, he would stay with me for days on end until we get tired of seeing each other faces. But with this guy, it is once a week if we see each other fine, and oh god forbid sex during the week, we have so much work to do. So, am I freak, of course not, I am just in a relationship with a guy who is a freak of nature!!!!
Trust October 11, 2006
How does a person regain trust when it is lost. I read something that was very important to my boyfriend and now he thinks I read his blog on a regular bases. If he only knew I would never read is blog because STUPIDNESS is bliss, but if I tried to explain this to him he would never believe. Yes, the is something simple, but is this a sign for things to come. If I can easily break his trust by reading some material I was not suppose to, and he does not believe me enough to know that I am no longer reading is this relationship really ever going to be productive………
He nicely gave me the suggestion of joining a group. It kinda makes me think he is reading my blog especially after the attempt at being the sensitive type this weekend. I most admit I did like the act, but I refuse to be like other women who realize their entire relationship is a joke, but oh no they are 40 with 3 kids. If he is reading I honestly feel like nothing I am writing is something he does not know he just chooses to ignore the facts. But whatever the case maybe to all those who wish to be bored with my boring life, have fun!!!
Katt Williams….. Too Damn Funny!!!! October 6, 2006
Katt Wiiliams is so funny, and since its Friday, I’ll let you sample some of his funniness!!!!!
